What we carry on our back

I carry a backpack to work. It’s a nice large LL Bean backpack with two large cargo pockets, two small front pockets and a large cargo pocket on the bottom.

I carry my lunch in the largest of the pockets. In the second largest pocket, I carry all of my books. I rotate several magazines and papers in and out of that pocket depending on my reading choices for that week. Mixed in with the papers, are three books that remain in that pocket.

The first is the latest edition of the “Best American Short Stories” anthology that I am reading for my other journal.

The second is a physical journal. A little black notebook…you know the brand.

The third is the book pictured below.

A feature of this journal will be irregular postings of some of the thoughts by Tolstoy that I come across in this little book.

In other Russian reading news, I am a good 40 pages in “Resurrection” by Tolstoy.

Why did I choose this book as the first to read and report on in this journal?

I have a tough time knowing why. I think it will be one of those decisions that exposes itself through time.

I just finished a book (ARC) “Travels in Siberia” by Ian Frazier (I may review the book for the paper).

This book was a major part of me getting back into my “Russian” phase of reading, and it turn, I suppose a major part of the creation of this journal.

This photo – by Repin has captivated me since I purchased this novel.

As far as I can remember, the book was purchased just after me leaving Norwich. I think I was intending to purchase as many of Tolstoy’s novels as I could. I am pretty sure that I purchased my first copy of “War and Peace” right around the same time…I’d say it was 1994. There were several major book purchases during this turbulent period of my life. And I sought comfort in the Russians.

That would be 16 years ago. So, 16 years after the purchase…I am finally reading it.

I’ll have plenty to say about this book over the next few weeks, and my goal is to have this book completed by the time you are born.

So, let’s end today’s writing with a few words from ‘Wise Thoughts for Everyday” – or WTFED.

Aug 23^rd –

‘The majority of our actions are guided by the force of other people’s opinions and teachings.”

True – but it’s important to take those opinions and teachings with a certain amount of your own judgment.

An Introduction

My mind is a tricky thing…I don’t think that the idea of this journal has escaped my mind for more than a couple of hours at a time over the last few days. The purpose, the reason, the design…and what I hope to get out of it.

Hold on -

I would like to modify that last sentence a bit and change the ending to…what I hope my son will get out of it.

Let’s provide a little background here so that the reader will have the chance to understand a bit more about me and what I hope to accomplish here.

I think it was back in the 8^th or 9^th grade when I became fascinated with all things Russian. The country, the people, the politics (Soviet style Communism), the food.

Can’t really give you a reason why. It’s one of those strange infatuations that settle in on people that can never really be explained.

Through high school, I worked at discovering as much as I could about the country,. This was all before the internet and during the cold war so it was a little difficult and a lot of what I was finding was colored with a political brush.

High school years passed and I made my way into college (a military one) and started studying the Russian language. My university had a summer Russian School and an impressive holding of Russian titles and periodicals. I would find every free moment to place myself in the stacks of the Russian collection. There were many nights well past 10:00 that I sat alone in the library flipping through back issues of Soviet Life and Огонёк.

The Library at Norwich University

The desk where I read in the library

A reading room

The old Norwich University Library

The desk in the basement of the old library where I read

In the summer of 1993 I visited Russia. Moscow, Volgograd and Astrakhan. It was one of the highlights of my life.

The obligatory Red Square shot

Russia burned itself deeper into my soul.

I finished college and it was then that I really set my head towards reading, contemplating and thinking about Russian literature. I felt that I could always keep the connection I had made with the country through its literature.

The classic Russian authors were my constant companion through some very difficult years after graduation. I smoked hand rolled cigarettes as I read “One day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich” by Solzhenitsyn. I drank shots of Vodka along with the characters in “Children of the Arbat” by Rybakov. I sat in the cool autumn air…with tears in my eyes as I read “White Nights” by Dostoevsky…wondering if I would every find a love equal to the love read about in that short story. I attempted to understand the inequalities in society through the writings of Gorky and I saw the clearest descriptions of man and his being, written through the works of Tolstoy.

Because of the comfort that this literature has brought me over the years, I wish to introduce these authors to my son.

Why the Russians?

Well, as a group, I know them the best and I am the most comfortable with them. They fill my heart with peace…and that’s good enough for me.

The little guy is scheduled to arrive in early November.

I want to spend as much time as possible with my son…and when I’m with him, I’d like to be reading with him. The Russians have comforted me in the past, and I think that they will do the same for both of us during the difficult and sleepless first months of his life.

Someday, I hope that he’ll stumble across this journal as see some of my thoughts about him during his early days with us. I also hope that it will give him a glimpse into who I am…and for me, a glimpse into who I am as a father.

I want him to love and appreciate books – paper books…old paper books…my books and now, our books.

I want him to love the printed word.

And as the American author Jonathan Franzen has recently stated -

“To me, the point of a novel is to take you to a still place…

To me, the world of books is the quiet alternative, an ever more desperately needed alternative.”

I want him to recognize and appreciate the beauty of this world that these authors can convey. But I’m not so naive as to fail to recognize that with every illustration of beauty, there is its opposite.

The ugliness of this world will be discussed when the age and time deems it appropriate. The Russians I feel present this battle between the good and evil it in a way that explores the real complexities of our world in a classical way…raw and honest – in a way that our world is afraid to confront sometimes.

So, between naps, feedings, diaper changes and crying fits, I want to read and write for him.

Son, I hope you enjoy this little journey.

-Dad.

I had my own Tolstoy - your great grandfather.